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Leake in the Boiler Room: Reds at Phillies Preview, June 3, 2015

THE POOR THE LAME THE BLIND

Why does this Phillies team look like it's gonna release the most fire record of 2015?
Why does this Phillies team look like it's gonna release the most fire record of 2015?
Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

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Say hey, the Phillies won! That's, ah, that's the saying, correct?

Well in any case, the Phillies pulled it off last night in the inaugural "that's why you use Aroldis Chapman when you're in a tie on the road you idiots" game of 2015. The Phillies beat the Reds in the battle of Ugh God Why versus Oh No No No, Please, and tonight, we have a second round. Who's excited?!?

Well in the off-chance that you are one of the few and the truly deranged to be excited about this matchup, let me list some real fun positives about it: 1) Cole Hamels, 2) as the universe tends toward entropy, this awful existence cannot continue unabated forever, 3) [TBD]. Play ball!

Probable Pitchers

Mike Leake -- I feel like Mike Leake is the Kyle Kendrick of Cincinnati, and is only that because Travis Wood was traded to be the Kyle Kendrick of Chicago. Leake has had better results than Kyle, but he's the kind of pitcher where you're always thinking "heck, if he can build off of one or two things, then..." and then every season he strikes out 5-6 guys per nine, walks two per nine, and gives up dingers more often than you'd like. And you kind of sigh and smile to your friends and say "well at least we have a fourth starter, right?" And the room gets darker, and the leak you thought you fixed in the ceiling just kind of grows in circumference and gets darker. And your girlfriend is rolling her eyes but you have no idea at what and the whole center of the orbit of the world feels off and wrong as Mike Leake leaves after going 5.2 innings of four run ball.

I mean, you know that feeling I assume.

Cole Hamels -- What can I say about Cole Hamels that I haven't said in these past few pieces? He's not traded yet. He's still pitching like a damn house on fire. He's grown that insanely good beard. You'll enjoy watching his sides of the frame, at the very least. He'll probably help the Phillies to a completely meaningless win. And, uh...yeah.

So in lieu of anything valuable, here's a Tom Waits song.

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