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Young Tony: Reds at Phillies Preview, June 4, 2015

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Let's win this one hilariously too, huh guys?

On my way to steal yr girl.
On my way to steal yr girl.
Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Editor's Note: SB Nation's partner FanDuel is hosting a $125,000 one-day fantasy baseball league today. It's $3 to join and first place wins $10,000. Enter now!

Lmao.

I know these aren't our most popular or our most commented upon posts, but I think it's pretty great to be previewing these silly season games where the Phillies just put their boots on the throats of teams that are, yes, much better than the Phillies. In fact, not only are they putting the boots to a better team, they're doing it to their best players. It beggars belief! So much so that I thought I'd try my hand at coming up with just a couple of ways the Phillies will rally back and win the game against the Reds tonight, completing the most epiphenomenal of sweeps ever.

SCENARIO 1: The Phillies line up one behind another to take a super at-bat and Aroldis Chapman quits baseball in protest.

SCENARIO 2: Johnny Bench returns from retirement, and is in fact able to hit and field just as well as he was in his prime. But in a moment of terrible hubris, he tries to hold eight baseballs in one hand, and is unable to break his own record as one of the balls ricochets out and kills a fan. While Bench is not prosecuted for the terrible act, the Reds last at bat is taken away as penalty, and Jonathan Papelbon escapes a bases loaded jam to win 1-0.

SCENARIO 3: The Phillies hit another home run off of an extremely talented reliever to tie the game in dramatic fashion after trailing for 8 innings, hahaha.

Probable Pitchers:

Anthony DeSclafani: Remember when I suggested you play this guy in FanDuel? Yeah, do that again. DeSclafani won't strike out a lot of guys, and he's prone to the occasional home run, but he's a better pitcher than Mike Leake, and Mike Leake almost no-hit the Phillies. So long as Maikel Franco doesn't choose to bend the reality of the world to his will, Thanos style, we should see a pretty dominant start out of Young Tony. That's his new nickname: Young Tony.

Aaron Harang: Good news, it's Aaron Harang day! You know the old saying: Hamels, Harang, pray for a new biologically dangerous strain...g. Listen, it's a work in progress.