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If it weren't for the crappy teams, the Phillies would have no chance to win any games this year. So thank you, baseball gods, for inventing the Marlins and Jeffrey Loria and Dan Jennings, who notched 10 hits tonight with only one of them crossing the plate. The Phillies won 3-1, and the Phillies have extended their winning streak to... two.
I actually didn't see too much of tonight's game, but like most people who were paying attention (all 25 of us), I was confused when Chad Billingsley came out of tonight's game strangely early. Billingsley started tonight's game and threw five shutout innings, allowing just four hits and allowing the Phillies to maintain an early 3-1 lead. And then he was taken out of the game. It seemed mysterious, since he'd been doing so well. After the game, we learned some less-than-good news.
Chad Billingsley was removed from the game with elbow soreness. Will see a doctor. Pete Mackanin called it "precautionary."
— Matt Breen (@matt_breen) July 19, 2015
Billingsley has missed two years over the course of his career with elbow issues, so this is actually sucky news, "precautionary" or not.
Also sucky? Jake Diekman, who was brought in to replace Billingsley at the start of the sixth inning. He continued his uninterrupted reign of suck by allowing the first two hitters to reach: Ichiro Suzuki and Martin Prado. Prado doubled, which scored Ichiro, and then Christian Yelich made it to first on a fielder's choice. Justin Bour struck out before Diekman was taken out, but Bour has to be a made up last name because look at it, is this guy even real? Jeanmar Gomez replaced Diek, and thankfully he got the Phillies out of the inning. Ken Giles pitched the eighth inning, getting up to 100mph, and Jonathan Papelbon closed it out.
Jonathan Papelbon 121 for 136 (89%) saving games as a Phillie. 17 games finished away from the 2016 option vesting.
— Corey Seidman (@CoreySeidmanCSN) July 19, 2015
I don't know about you, but I don't think Papelbon gets there. At least not with the Phillies. Please, god, please not with the Phillies.
As I mentioned, I didn't see much of tonight's game.
I saw exactly two innings of this game, so expect a lot of made up details in tonight’s recap.
— Liz Roscher (@lizroscher) July 19, 2015
"Chad Billingsley was eaten by a bear." "Jake Diekman then tried to kill the bear but was mauled to death." "Jonathan Papelbon didn’t nap."
— Liz Roscher (@lizroscher) July 19, 2015
Some of my fine twitter friends and fellow TGP contributors saw these tweets as an opportunity to make up their own game facts. A delightful, delightful opportunity.
@lizroscher the players were FIRED UP
— Jawn Vivant (@OhWowHmm) July 19, 2015
@lizroscher A group of fans made a circle in the 400 level and began singing Kumbaya around the 6th inning
— Paul Boyé (@paul_boye) July 19, 2015
@lizroscher Ryan Howard filled in at SS and turned three double plays.
— DJ WEED PIZZA (@DJWeedPizza) July 19, 2015
@CthuL0L @lizroscher Justin De Fratus didn't make an appearance in the game, but still threw 75 pitches somehow
— Paul Boyé (@paul_boye) July 19, 2015
@CthuL0L @paul_boye @lizroscher Papelbon came out of the bullpen wearing his Red Sox uniform
— Justin Klugh (@justin_klugh) July 19, 2015
@CthuL0L @justin_klugh @lizroscher The Red Phanatic declared its allegiance to Astaroth, Crowned Prince of Hell
— Paul Boyé (@paul_boye) July 19, 2015
@CthuL0L @paul_boye @lizroscher The Phanatic revealed he is pregnant and gave birth to 6 squirming larvae in shallow right field, none lived
— Justin Klugh (@justin_klugh) July 19, 2015
@justin_klugh @CthuL0L @lizroscher Everyone who struck out was required to eat three (3) pancakes before being allowed back on the field
— Paul Boyé (@paul_boye) July 19, 2015
@CthuL0L @paul_boye @lizroscher A little boy caught a foul ball and when cameras went off him he unhinged his jaw and devoured it whole
— Justin Klugh (@justin_klugh) July 19, 2015
@dj_mosfett @justin_klugh @paul_boye @lizroscher It was revealed that the yellow Galapogas Gang member with the tongue is Chris Wheeler.
— RememberThePhitans (@CthuL0L) July 19, 2015
@CthuL0L @dj_mosfett @paul_boye @lizroscher Larry Bowa chewed through his restraints and finally ate his own head
— Justin Klugh (@justin_klugh) July 19, 2015
Which one is my favorite? I can't choose. I love them all equally, just like they're my own squirming Phanatic larvae.
The Phillies can sweep the Marlins tomorrow with a win. I'm reminding you of this now so you'll go to sleep with good thoughts of the game that lies ahead. Don't think about the myriad ways the Phillies could screw it up. Don't, because tomorrow will come soon enough.