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Winning winners who win: Phillies 5, Cubs 3

The Phillies won! I'm not lying! I promise this time!

Matt Marton-USA TODAY Sports

It's fortunate that today's game got super interesting just as I started watching.

It happens, even with 15 writers. The summer is busy for everyone, and we have 162 games to cover. Every now and then we have a gap!

I picked up the game in the 7th inning, and admittedly it wouldn't start to get interesting for a little while longer. I asked Twitter to fill me in on what I'd missed, and our own John Stolnis admirably came to my aid.

So that's all you're getting about the first eight innings of today's game.

Actually, that's not true. I should mention that Jerome Williams did well in his first start off the disabled list. Six innings, three runs, and one walk. And in the eighth inning, Maikel Franco turned this slick barehanded play to bail Jeanmar Gomez out of a bases loaded jam.

I could watch that all day long. All. Day. Long.

When the Phillies came to bat in the top of the ninth inning, I had already started writing my recap. "The score was 3-2, which is where it would remain until the final out." is a sentence I wrote and then had to delete, because the Phillies tied it up! That's what I get for trying to be clever and write some of this recap before the game ended. It happened quickly -- Freddy Galvis legged out a triple, and then Cody Asche knocked a double into the ivy in right field to score him.

Ken Giles came in to pitch the bottom of the ninth, and he made things scary right away by allowing a single and a free pass. With two on and one out, Kris Bryant came to the plate, and everyone decided it was time for a mound meeting. This is what I think happened during that meeting.

Chooch: "Don't look directly at him."
McClure: "His eyes are magical. Be careful."
Giles: "I'll try, guys. But he's just so handsome. I don't know if I can stop myself. He's like an eye magnet. My eyes just want to caress him."

I mean, that probably happened, right?

Giles got out of it, and the top of the tenth inning brought more Jeff Francoeur magic. WHICH I WOULD BE ABLE TO EMBED AND SHOW YOU IF MLB WASN'T FULL OF GIANT PILES OF DERP. THEY ARE THE WORST. BUT CLICK HERE AND YOU CAN SEE IT ON MLB'S LAME SITE.

Jeff Francoeur is made of magic.

Jonathan Papelbon closed out the game for the Phillies, demonstrating his skill and continued existence on the Philadelphia Phillies. At this point, even my mom doesn't think the Phillies are going to trade anyone. And my mom watches almost zero baseball.

The Phillies are 6-1 since the break. Soak it in.

Ed. note: is full of derp, but they later made Mr. Magic's HR embeddable.