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But for Papelbon: Phillies bottom Blue Jays 2 to 8

Tonight's game demonstrates why I previously thought of Jonathan Papelbon as tits on a boar hog for the 2015 Phillies.

Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

We all saw this one coming a mile away - Jerome Williams starting against a dominant Toronto Blue Jays team that leads the majors in offense and just got dominant-er by subtracting Jose Reyes and adding Troy Tulowitzki.

If the Phillies had to get their skulls bashed in, it was probably best that it would be done in Toronto in front of Blue Jays fans who offered Phillies players hot drinks and soothing words after the game.

Tonight had all kinds of vile things on display:

1. Jerome Williams did not have a good night. He's a nice person, and he signed my kid's glove last year, but he is not the pitcher that any of us want facing the Blue Jays. That's not being a jerk, it is just an honest assessment.

Williams scattered ten hits over 4.2 innings, including one hit scattered into and through the upper deck by Troy Tulowitzki, who, if he played this game in the United States, would be sent to Gitmo for using a weapon of mass destruction. Watching the ball rocket into the upper deck, John Gibbons, who moonlights as a derelict at a bus station when he is not managing the Blue Jays, could be heard yelling "THAT'S OOT OF HERE!" Never forget that Gibbons played for the Mets. NEVER FORGET.

Williams didn't walk anyone, and he almost didn't strike anyout out either, fanning 1. His FIP was a mere 5.43, though, so he wasn't as bad as things appeared. Oh, hell...yes he was. But he only gave up 4 runs, and it was against the Blue Jays.

2. Justin De Fratus pitched, too. This was not pretty. De Fratus himself scattered 6 hits over 2.1 innings, throwing 439 pitches, striking out 2 and walking 1. The 4 runs he gave up masked his low, low, low FIP of 2.64. Like Williams, De Fratus induced lots of ground balls, unfortunately he plays in front of the Phillies' defense and not the Blue Jays' defense. More, uh, on this below.

3. Freddy Galvis. This was "Fredo" tonight rather than dimply Freddy goodness. He didn't run out a ball early and he dropped a ball taking a toss at second for an out. He missed the bag earlier in the week at second on a call the Blue Jays did not challenge.  I expect a middle infielder to be more engaged and rock solid at making routine defensive plays. Wake up, buddy.

On the flip side, while Alex Anthopolous was proliferating communist nuclear Tulowitzkis to non-Tulowitzki powers, R.A.Dickey was annoyingly effective with his annoying knuckleball that is annoying when it is used against the Phillies. Against *other* teams, I love that there is a knuckeballer in MLB. Not tonight.  Amazingly, Dickey threw 103 pitches and 77 were for strikes. THIS IS A KNUCKLEBALLER, FFS! That is really impressive stuff. He went 8 innings in those 103 pitches, struck out 4, walked 1, and was tagged with only a single run. HE WAS ALSO A MET. NEVER FORGET.  God, the Blue Jays are filled with the Taint of Met. They used some Met Taint (Reyes) to get their illegal (under international law) Tulowitzki. MET TAINT.

A propos of nothing, Blue Jays fans go "whooooaa!" at every fly ball to..., like, just every fly ball. I listened to the first half of this game on the radio and watched the rest on TV, and it was the same in both media. They seem like such earnest people, likely to be easily taken in by hucksters, carnival barkers, monorail salesmen, and nuclear weapons proliferationists like Alex Anthopolous and pinko commie agent Troy Tulowitzki.

Meanwhile, I did not notice that Jonathan Papelbon was elsewhere. Ok, I did, but it didn't matter, did it? And the Phillies have more payroll flexibility next year, too. And the Nationals have a pouting Drew Storen and a Papelwang. Godspeed, Papelwang.

Source: FanGraphs