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Pacific Decadal Oscillation: Dodgers 10, Phillies 7

Who doesn't love west coast night games, fellow east coast dwellers? This was exactly that. And it was looooooooooooooooooooooooooong.

Hello, Mr. Manfred? Please look into that pitch clock stuff again. Thanks.
Hello, Mr. Manfred? Please look into that pitch clock stuff again. Thanks.
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

So long, in fact, that Charlemagne threw out the first pitch, George Washington sang God Bless America, and Emperor Snozzlarg XXXIII of Omicron Persei Eight caught the final out.

Or whatever. I don't know. Point is, this was a long game. It was a long nine-inning game. Long enough, in fact, that it is the longest known nine-inning game ever played by the Phillies.


Ever known, anyway, because Elias Sports Bureau only keeps records back to 1987; but it seems likely.

So... after the Phillies announced this would be a Sean O'Sullivan start, the Dodgers were all like, "well, we'll bullpen game this bitch," and started Yimi Garcia, who, in six years of professional ball, has started 10 games. Garcia lasted two innings, giving up a pair of runs on four hits in his two innings. He was replaced by Eric Surkamp, who I think is just a beer vendor at Dodger Stadium. Surkamp gave up four runs  in three and a third innings. Surkamp, then, was replaced by Joel Peralta, who is the s l o w e s t p i t c h e r i n h i s t o r y a n d a c o l o s s a l p i l l a r o f w a s p e g g s .

Peralta, who averaged 45 seconds between pitches tonight is the worst person on Earth. He struck out two and walked one, in nearly half an hour.

Meanwhile, the Phillies' O'Sullivan had been tagged for seven runs in his five and a third innings, throwing a career high 123 pitches, and pushing his season ERA to 6.08. YAYGUYS

He was replaced in the sixth by Jeanmar Gomez, who servicabled his way through three more runs.

So. The seventh inning is upon us. It's gonna be biblical.

The Dodgers' Peralta was replaced by Pedro Baez, who is the worst person on Earth. He recorded two outs, and was replaced by JP Howell, the worst person on Earth.

Then, yeah. Things happened, and didn't happen, and had always been happening. Time is a flat circle.

So things took a while. You can look up boxscores and fangraphs and so on and such like on your own time, when I'm not ready to go to bed. In the mean time, I'll leave you with this:

This the longest nine-inning game in Phillies' history. If you watched it all, Congratulations. You're Winner!

If not, you're winner anyway.

PS: I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Jimmy Rollins. YAY JIMMY. J-Roll was two for four, with a pair of runs scored and two RBI, including the all-important GWRBI. If there's one non-Philly that I'm happy to see beat us, it's him.

With the very lengthy loss, the Phils drop to 28-57, while the Dodgers improve to 47-37. The rematch tomorrow is supposed to feature Chad Billingsley vs Brett Andersen, but it could just as easily feature Rick Monday vs Larry Anderson. We'll have to wait and see. Until then, good night, folks!