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Giants make offer to Phillies for Chase Utley

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Giants immediately informed of how much they suck.

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

The Phillies are looking to trade Chase Utley if they can get an acceptable return for him, and apparently, things are heating up with the pixie dust-snorting Bay Area menaces from San Francisco.

Jon Morosi said that "prospect names have been discussed" and then quite helpfully did not name any of them.

The Giants want somebody to replace  the injured Joe Panik, and Utley's numbers since coming back from injury and massively poor performance earlier in the year are enough to make him desirable to them. Of course they are; odds are, the second Utley puts on a Giants uniform his muscles will swell with whatever black magic is sewn into the material and he'll join their latest nonsensical post season odyssey in which everything breaks their way.

But don't dwell on imagining the awful way that Utley would look in orange and black. Think more about the fact that Utley is looking for assurances that he will get playing time, as he reportedly plans to play past this season. What if Panik comes back? What would the Giants do, move Utley to first? Damn it, they totally would.

All right then, think about how Todd Zolecki says the dumb Giants aren't the only team looking to land him, as the Cubs, Dodgers, Angels, and Yankees have all been sniffing around as well. So. Doesn't that make you feel better.

Sure, he's from California, and the assumption is that he'd rather play for a team from his native state as he enters the twilight of his career. Fortunately though, this trade will never get the 100% majority vote from the people of Philadelphia that it requires to go through. Tough break, Giants.