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Editor's Note: SB Nation's partner FanDuel is hosting a $125,000 one-day fantasy baseball league today. It's $3 to join and first place wins $10,000. Enter now!
They thought they'd killed him Cincinnati. But Skyline Chili can only keep a man down so long.
They thought he was buried in San Diego, but a neon ghost with a fish taco took him on a wild ride through the lights of NeoDiego20xx and he emerged a new man.
They thought his time in Los Angeles would end him. And they were almost right.
But he rolled up in his beat to hell IROC-Z, slid out of the low doors and spat in the face of God right there in the middle of Atlanta. Then he drove to the Atlanta Braves and got an invite to Spring Training.
Triumphant, in the prime of his existence, he came to Philadelphia, the down and out town a good fit for an old, worn out relic like him. Only the two mixed, and the magic reignited. He found a garage around Pattison where he could build up the IROC; he found a north side deli; he went to some shows at the Church. And he came out...with an ERA under 4.
This Summer...Aaron Harang is Aaron Harang in an Aaron Harang produced film, directed by the legendary Aaron Harang: You Harang? Part II -- The Long Faced and the Dead.
Featuring Brett Anderson as Brett Anderson, the plucky upstart injury prone youngster to Harang's 37 years of age, with an ERA considerably under 4 himself and a shiny place on a team of destiny.
And introducing the Phillies and the Dodgers, teams at the opposite ends of the spectrum drawn together for one last dance (if you don't count tomorrow's dance).
In the Summer of 2015, don't ask for whom the bell tolls...ask for whom it Harang!
(May not be suitable for audiences who like strikeouts, velocity, and consistently effective or entertaining pitching. First few rows may get injured and be out for the season. If you are pregnant or trying to become pregnant, please do not get too close to Aaron Harang's magic arm.)