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Ken Rosenthal recently put together a story on how Justin Upton would be a logical signing for the Phillies, but that it likely won't happen. What this means is that the hornets nest serving as an indicator of Philadelphia sports fans' current mood in the FOX Sports office was deemed too docile, and Rosenthal was tasked with delivering several swift kicks in order to get people talking again, even if it was about a completely hypothetical acquisition that by his own admission/headline, "won't happen."
But that's just silly national sports outlet talk! They don't know that we are a patient, caring people here in Philadelphia, and we can be just as enthralled by whispers of nothingness from deep, deep in the Phillies system as we are by fake trade rumormongering. Right? Right!
So here's some things that, unlike Rosenthal's story, don't involve Justin Upton, and, also unlike Rosenthal's story, have happened.
Anthony Vasquez
Who he is: Debuting in the big leagues in 2011 for the Mariners, Vasquez joined up with the Lehigh Valley IronPigs for the 2015 season and had a real bugger of a June and July, in which his control disintegrated and his ERA erupted from 2.37 to 5.01. Things evened out eventually - was it the sudden introduction of Erik Kratz to the battery? Sure why not.
Where did he come from: Drafted in 2009 by the Mariners, outrighted in 2011, signed minor league deal with Orioles in 2014, signed minor league deal with Phillies in 2015.
What's his deal:
The #Phillies have re-signed LHP Anthony Vasquez to a minor league deal. Started 20 games for their AAA club last season.
— Jerry Crasnick (@jcrasnick) January 12, 2016
Christian Marrero
Who he is: A 29-year-old outfielder and first baseman. He is NOT 27-year-old infielder Christopher Marrero.
Where did he come from: Drafted by the Braves in 2004 and then the White Sox in 2005, Marrero shifted over to the Braves and Pirates' farm systems for 2012-13, then returned to the White Sox. Batting cleanup for the Birmingham Barons this past April, Marrero hit .290/.406/.421. This is but one statistical split pulled from a decade of minor league baseballing.
What's his deal:
According to BA's Transaction update, the Phillies have signed OFer Christian Marrero
— Matt Winkelman (@Matt_Winkelman) January 11, 2016
Carlos Alonso
Who he is: Kiko Alonso's brother! Also, a 2010 Phillies draft pick.
Where did he come from: Kiko Alonso's house, where he's been living with Kiko for six weeks! People/reporters are engrossed by this fact even though no one in the city is especially happy with Kiko or the Eagles or Oregon right now.
What's his deal: What the real story is, is that Carlos is recovering from this:
Yes, Carlos got the Chase Utley Special from a Harrisburg Senator back in April. After playing only 12 games with Reading this past season, Alonso, 27, has yet to crack a AAA roster, something he would be closer to now if he hadn't gotten shelled by a human body during the first month of the season. Having missed almost a full season due to unexpected injury, this comeback all the more important for him, something of which he is well aware.
Matt Hockenberry
Who he is: The Phillies prospect who skipped from the Gulf Coast League to Lakewood
Where did he come from: Temple, from which he was the final draft pick (In 2014 by the Phillies) before the baseball program was shut down forever.
What's his deal: Didn't win Powerball
Didn't win the Powerball, but I can still throw a Powerball. Gonna be winning a lot of those in Spring Training 2016 #Phillies
— Matt Hockenberry (@Hocktimus_Prime) January 14, 2016