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Jose Bautista only latest victim of Phanatic's push-up challenge

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Few egos survive an encounter with the mascot's intimidating strength.

Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

You've all seen the video by now, and you have had time to react.

Blue Jays slugger and entire sport-ruiner Jose Bautista taunted the Phanatic with displays of strength and agility. This is generally a gamble.

The act was yet another reminder that the Phanatic, while friendly when docile, does possess the bodily traits to rip someone's torso in half, and remains one bad day away from doing so. Rumors have surfaced of a single handler employed by the Phillies, whose job is to perch high on the Citizens Bank Park catwalks with a sniper rifle loaded with a single, fatal dose of Phanatic poison. Rumors have surfaced starting now, I mean; with me, saying that.

Traditionalists of the sport are already seeking justice for what appears to be harmless fun but is exactly what is wrong with the sport today. "Back in my day, I'd have reached down that f------ thing's snout and f------ ripped out his g-- d--- f------ esophagus," said some particularly violent, anonymous source on the topic.

With so much turbulence stemming from the incident, let's focus more on players challenging the unspeakable physicality of our nation's most powerful sports mascot. It was only two years ago that another opposing player felt brave enough to poke the Phanatic's ego. That man was Martin Prado of the Diamondbacks, and his bones were never recovered from the Phanatic's crude burrow beneath the stadium that nobody ever talks about.

"He can be a little annoying," one Arizona broadcaster says of the Phanatic, guaranteeing himself a cold, sad life lived out in isolation.

The announcers were eager to call Prado the winner, but as you can see, the feed cuts out after he's only done two or so push-ups, with the added leg kick. Historians agree that the rest of the footage is lost due to the horrific actions of a humiliated, furious Phanatic lunging at the Arizona infielder, baring the 16 rows of teeth hidden in his face-tube.

This wasn't even the first time the Phanatic's push-ups caused trouble. In Australia for the Intercontinental Cup in 2000, his antics left the Cuban team so upset that they threatened to protest if he set foot on the field.

"Thanks to the Cubans, the Phanatic almost caused an international incident," Tom Burgoyne, the Phanatic's best friend, wrote in More than Beards, Bellies and Biceps: The Story of the 1993 Phillies. After being permitted to be there, the Phanatic set about immediately doing one-armed push-ups in front of the Cuban dugout and standing in the players' way as they ran out onto the field.

The Australians, naturally, LOVED the Phanatic, and booed lustily as he was dragged off the field by security, only to witness the beast moments later trying to climb over a fence to get back. After Australia came back to beat Cuba and win the cup, they invited him to their party. No record of what occurred there exists, but historians concur that it was "probably an awesome party."