January 15, 2025
Last night, the President of the United States delivered his first State of the Union address to both houses of congress for the first time in his term. This much anticipated political event lived up to the expectations of viewers across America, who were anxious to see the first Mascot President in American History address both houses of congress.
The Phillie Phanatic entered the chamber on his signature ATV, which he was rarely seen without on the campaign trail last year. There was a brief moment when it looked like he’d run over Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), but the Congressman was able to dodge the President in the knick of time.
Greeted at the podium by Vice President Stomper and House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI), the President began his wordless address to the chamber and the nation. His wild, emphatic gestures indicated optimism for the nation’s future and a reaffirmation of promises that he made on the campaign trail.
Visual aids accompanied the President to paint a clearer picture of the agenda for his first term, including his request to Congress for funding a hotdog bazooka so that our troops are better equipped to fight terrorism abroad. The proposal elicited a relatively positive reaction from the chamber.
The event was not without contentious moments, however. At one point, Rep. Steve Israel (D-NY) interrupted the President’s wild hip gestures with an outburst about his eligibility for the office. “He’s from the Galapagos Islands! He’s no President of mine!”
The President’s reaction to the blatant show of disrespect was subdued, though Secret Service were quick to remove Rep. Israel from the floor. One unnamed agent literally ate him, then walked out of the chamber where he proceeded to spit the congressman back up on the steps of the Capitol in only his underwear. This is not the first moment of tension between the Phanatic and Rep. Israel, who was a vocal surrogate on the campaign trail last fall for the President’s opponent, Mr. Met.
While the question of the Phanatic’s birth certificate was divisive during the election, polls show a majority of Americans (65-32) would like to move on and debate the real issues facing the nation.
The State of the Union address was followed immediately by a rebuttal speech from former Vice Presidential candidate Orbit, who is still seen as a rising star in the opposition party despite the crushing 331-207 electoral defeat of the Mr. Met/Orbit ticket. Using this newfound political clout, Orbit has been unceasing in his criticism of the President, attacking him for his recklessness and wild, unrealistic campaign promises. It is widely expected that he will challenge the incumbent in 2028.
The President owes much of his career to former President Donald Trump, who broke barriers in 2016 by becoming America’s First Clown President. We’ve come a long way since then, when having a Mascot as Commander-in-Chief was practically unfathomable.
But when polls that were collected (initially as a joke) showing that the Phanatic was polling higher than the future President, the idea took hold. Momentum only grew as time passed, and now the Big Green Guy sits in the Oval Office.
Check back in with us here at The Good Phight for more coverage of the 47th President’s historic first term.