The [emergency] Tuesday Gush: Not everything is terrible!

Instead of just getting swept, the Phillies looked like they might win a game (but didn’t)!

Remember when the Phillies beat Jonathan Papelbon again? Well, that didn’t mean they actually won the game this time. Unfortunately, Jayson Werth's walk-off single gave the entire series to the Nationals, but this isn’t an emergency Jayson Werth Gush. We're talking about this because there was a brief window of time when we all felt confident enough to yell curse words at Papelbon, thinking hell no, Nats - you may NOT sweep us! And then, you know. They did.

I know, I know. It was a rough week, people. Strap the hell in.

Ben Lively was named International League Pitcher of the Week! Again!

Maybe he’ll be the next young pitcher to make his MLB debut with the Phillies! Maybe his will go slightly better than today’s!

Zach Eflin made his big league debut!

We all know how it went, but he did make his first ever start! Even you can’t deny that! And he logged the first strikeout of his career, too! How would you do, being dropped into a major league schedule and having to face one of the most prolific slugger battalions to play the modern sport? You would probably give up like eight or nine runs. And then you would go and cry somewhere, wondering how the gods could conceive of such a humiliation and then inflict it upon you, their humble meat puppet.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry; I swore I would stop making references to us all being hollowed-out vessels, unwittingly carrying out the orders of omnipotent beings who despise us. God, this might be the worst Monday Gush ever. Partially because it isn’t even Monday.

Tommy Joseph is homering at a historical pace!

Jerad Eickhoff’s slider eliminated the Blue Jays’ bats!

Remember before, when we were all agog over Eickhoff’s curve ball? It made us blush. It made us gasp. We freaked out when the phone would ring and we’d see “Eickhoff’s curve” was calling. After a few weeks of fading enthusiasm as hitters figured it out (HINT: it curved) or Eickhoff’s targeting was off, he came back out for his start against the Blue Jays with a slider that proved to be the perfect countermeasure to Toronto’s ferocious offense.

We all have to vote Odubel Herrera into the All-Star Game!

The only Phillies player getting traction for an all-star appearance is Aaron Nola, but somehow this is one year in which there is more than one deserving party. Fortunately, before we start complaining about what an injustice it is that Odubel Herrera didn't get voted onto or picked for the NL team, we get to have the exciting voting campaign, in which we blame others for ballot-stuffing while jamming our own fistful of votes into the box. Remember way back when a couple of guys stayed up for like 48 straight hours or something, voting for Pat Burrell to make the ASG around the clocks (Even though that action is exactly what probably caused Burrell to think they were nerds and want to beat them up)? Remember when Shane Victorino went door-to-door in South Philly with the mayor to stir up support for his own campaign? Well, hopefully your enthusiasm for Phillies baseball is just as high now as it was when Burrell and Victorino were around, because it’s 2016, and a new fringe all-star needs your votes.

Odubel Herrera won’t stop flipping bats!

They’re only getting higher! Somebody stop him! PUT HIM IN THE ALL-STAR GAME.

The Phillies did so well at the draft!

It’s all anyone can talk about! Anyone who lives in my apartment, anyway! But even with how much scrutiny is given to player selection, months before anyone’s name is called, and how there was no sure name to pick at No. 1, experts are still saying that the Phillies crushed it at the MLB Draft, further securing their future. Will these be the same experts chewing the team apart when prospects start inevitably flaming out? Yes they will. Some people are just open mouths with keyboards. Like for instance, a guy who fills a whole blog post with subheds that end in exclamation points.

Vince Velasquez’s bicep strain is no big thing!

When VV exited in the second inning of his last start, having long conversations with teammates and his manager, we feared the worst. But he seems to have evaded anything too serious this time, with Pete Mackanin saying the 24-year-old’s MRI was clean. Health!