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Quit playing games with my heart: Blue Jays 13, Phillies 2

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Sometimes I wish I could turn back time, impossible as it may seem, sometimes I wish I could so bad, baby...

Toronto Blue Jays v Philadelphia Phillies
This is the picture of the year.
Photo by Drew Hallowell/Getty Images

Even in my heart I see
You’re not being true to me
Deep within my soul I feel
Nothing’s like it used to be
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
Sometimes I wish I could so bad, baby
Quit playing games with my heart

Okay, I’m being a little overdramatic, because that’s not quite true. The Phillies have stopped playing games with our heart. This is who they are, and this is how I expected them to play the entire season. It just feels especially cruel because they spent two months getting lucky and winning a little bit. I knew this would happen, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

This was a terrible game. It was just so, so bad. In every conceivable way. You name it, they did it, and badly. For the second start in a row, Aaron Nola shit the bed. I am not exaggerating. He gave up eight runs in what is technically three innings, though he faced four batters in the fourth without getting a single out. It was BAD. I could use other words for it, but they would all be variations of the word “bad” or “putrid” or “hope-sucking.”

Only two of five pitchers came out clean tonight. One was Colton Murray. Yeah, I know, it doesn’t make a ton of sense to me, either. And the other was Jeanmar Gomez. Andrew Bailey had a so-so outing, allowing one run in two innings, but notching five strikeouts. The really terrible relief inning of the night belonged to David Hernandez, who aaaaaaaahhhhhhh I don’t even want to think about his inning, that’s how bad it was. No no no no no no no no noooooo I don’t wanna I don’t wannaaaaaaa

I guess I have to. He gave up four runs on five hits, and two were homers. That’s all I’m saying about it. It makes me so aggressively unhappy that the strength of my unhappiness might cause my computer to burst into flame.

There was some truly fantastic fielding, and by fantastic I mean inconceivably awful.

Odubel committed an actual error, too. So did Cameron Rupp and Cesar Hernandez. And you saw that gem from Tyler Goeddell in the gif above. It was just a stellar night. The Phillies did score a few runs, so, uh, at least there’s that.

The Blue Jays are gone, right? The Phillies don’t have to face them again this year? There isn’t a secret series where they spend just one game at each stadium? They didn’t hide that series in the road trip just before the All-Star break? They’re not going to add it on somewhere? Because this was traumatic. The Phillies beat them 7-0 in the first game of this bizarre four game home and home series, and the Jays have made the Phillies pay for it in every game since. WE YIELD, OKAY? YOU’RE THE BETTER TEAM, AND WE’RE SORRY THE PHILLIES WON THAT FIRST GAME. PLEASE FORGIVE US AND JUST GO AWAY AND DON’T EVER COME BACK.

::SOB::