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why god why: Twins 14, Phillies 10

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This game was just mean.

Philadelphia Phillies v Minnesota Twins Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

So, a few things.

There are many ways to say that a game was bad. Here’s one: this game was bad. Here’s another: this game was putrid. It was a box of burning hair. It was a bag of moldy fruit that exploded in your car. Please submit your own ideas in the comments below.

This game was a microcosm of the Phillies’ season thus far. Positive and pleasurable in the beginning, but it got horrible real fast, and the rest of it was just a long, drawn-out, torturous journey to Loserville.

Aaron Nola is broken. One bad start is an aberration. Two is a head-scratcher. Three? Something is seriously wrong. There is something seriously wrong with Aaron Nola. I don’t know if it’s physical or mental, but he is not right. He’s not right, and it’s painful to watch and I hate it. I hate it and it sucks and I hate it some more.

Please fix this and come back to us, Aaron Nola.

For once, the offense was out in full force.

Okay, so the Twins’ pitcher might not have been so hot. And the Phillies’ pitchers made sure that it wouldn’t matter. But regardless, the Phils were actually hitting! I’ve got numbers just in case you need some context to what a huge explosion last night’s game was. Before last night, the Phillies had scored nine runs in their last six games. They scored 10 last night. They had 14 hits last night, which is one more than the 13 total they had in the three games before. Here is a list of the Phillies who had home runs last night.

  • Peter Bourjos
  • Tommy Joseph
  • Cameron Rupp (he went back-to-back with Joseph)
  • Maikel Franco

Bourjos actually had three hits last night, as did Cody Asche. Odubel Herrera had two, and so did Maikel Franco and Tommy Joseph. Even Freddy Galvis had one, a nubber off the end of the bat that was a totally accidental (but well placed) bunt. All but two players had hits last night. Andres Blanco and, well, I bet you can guess.

I don’t know why this still makes me sad after all this time, but it does.

There were points last night where circus music should have been playing. Freddy Galvis looks lost and desperate at the plate, and he’s taking that attitude with him in the field. The official scorer just gave him one error, but he should have had two. Tommy Joseph missed a catch at first (fed by Freddy Galvis, which, great). Odubel Herrera missed a ball out in center field, too.

It was bad.

The Phillies tried to come back in the late innings, scoring four in the eighth to make it a one-run game, but then David Hernandez happened. He gave up three runs in one inning of work. At that point, I just stood in front of my television and yelled at the screen because it was nearly midnight and the game wasn’t over and David Hernandez was TAKING TOO LONG TO LOSE, MY GOD JUST GET THE OUTS SO WE CAN ALL GO HOME, I’M BEGGING YOU TO PLEASE STOP SUCKING AGAINST THE WORST TEAM IN THE AMERICAN LEAGUE FOR JUST A FEW SECONDS SO THIS NIGHTMARE CAN END, PLEASE, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING WHY WHY WHY WHY.

I don’t think anything else needs to be said.