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Herding Cats: Mets 12, Phillies 1

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The Mets beat the Phillies by about a billion runs. It was pretty actually awful.

Philadelphia Phillies v New York Mets
Neil Walker and Odubel Herrera embrace, in celebration of the game being over.
Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images

What a shitshow.

Freddy Galvis hit a home run off Noah Syndergaard, one of only three hits the Phillies would manage all day. Basically, if you weren’t Galvis, you shouldn’t even have bothered getting out of bed today. And if you were Michael Mariot, you definitely shouldn’t be allowed to leave the house again.

The Mets drilled their dozen runs on thirteen hits, including dingers from Asdrubal Cabrera, Yoenis Cespedes, Kelly Johnson and Neil Walker. Syndergaard was expectedly good, striking out seven over seven innings. That’s usually a combination good for a win, and against a bad team, the Phillies were as outmatched as a cat herder.

Have you ever herded cats? No, because it’s impossible. I have four, and the only way to get all four of them in the same room at the same time is to either be dispensing kitty treats or to be a small trapped and/or injured bird.

The Phillies are the trapped and injured bird, in this analogy, but the bird is also really really dumb and also probably tied to a concrete block.

Did I mention that this is an impossibility. Yes I did.

Did I mention that Kelly Johnson hit a pinch-hit grand slam?

That, as of this writing, is the only embeddable clip of this game from MLB.com. So enjoy it, or I will set my cats loose on an injured bird.