The Nationals beat the Phillies last night on the back of Max Scherzer, who had a no-hitter go into the sixth inning. Today, the Nationals Twitter account used some Philadelphia colloquialisms to relate this information.
This was a cool thing to tweet, and we good-natured, self-aware Philadelphians enjoyed the living hell out of it.
I know what you’re thinking; “Hey, guy—isn’t this the sort of thing that would normally have you run furiously into the street to kick the first stray cat you could find through an upper-story apartment window?”
Ha ha ha, friend; that’s the old Philadelphia you’re describing. We new age city dwellers are a chill, relaxed bunch; sweating around the comically oversized jenga game in a beer garden. Is “jawn” a term we use? Occasionally, and only in jest. If the Nationals social media department wants to steal it for some good old fashioned internet ridicule, they can have it! Because we’re so relaxed, you see.
“Yeah, but,” you continue, nervously, “for a while there it didn’t seem like it took much to set you off. Like, remember this? You really must have felt strongly about that. And had a lot of time on your hands.”
Look, I’m not sure how many congenial laughs I need to emit before you believe me. This is just the world we live in now; a place where the Nationals can tweet some misguided—
“There, you used the word ‘misguided’ again, you only say that when you’re pissed.”
—please don’t interrupt—some misguided attempt at tomfoolery and receive nothing but pats on the back as a response. And that makes it a better world, I think. Don’t you?
Besides, it’s not like there’s a local Washington D.C. culture to draw from, other than “being destroyed in numerous action movies.” Their employees likely looked down at their own community, from the toxic monolith at D.C.’s center from which the Nationals administrative staff operates, and saw nothing but weeping peasants, clawing at the base of the tower, their pupils seared out of their eyes by the putrid air.
“Why not just appropriate the culture of the Phillies’ city?” came someone’s idea, and we here in Philadelphia applaud the notion.
Was their usage of the term “jawn” accurate? Ha ha, of course not. And that’s fine too! No one can expect the Nationals to understand the complexities of a phrase like “jawn,” which eclipses simultaneously both everything and nothing. A broadly defined word like that can’t be thrown around with so little confusion as to what it is referring in each instance without generations of usage embedding it in the lexicon. The “Top 17 Local Secrets to Know About Philadelphia Before the DNC!” listicle from which @Nationals got their latest successful tweet probably had it at #3 or 4, and they didn’t have time to read the two sentences accompanying the ranking. They had tweets to send!
It’s just good that after years of envy and insecurity being shared between our two teams, we can still sit back and not be way too agitated over a simple joke on a Wednesday morning. It speaks to our maturity and growth as fans that we’re no longer the shrieking, spitting 22-year-olds we were when the Nationals were NL East basement dwellers and not the sporadic division winners with no World Series rings to date that they are today. It’s baseball, and we’re all just here to have a good time.
Ha ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha , h a haaha,,,h
@Nationals I thought it was impossible to use the word jawn wrong but you just proved me wrong— Quad (@MC_QUAD) August 31, 2016