Flying Across the Ocean: Marlins 6, Phillies 0

I like flying. Let me get that out of the way at first. I don’t mind waiting in security lines too much and it’s nice to have a couple hours blocked off without the distraction of cellphones or the internet. The best part, though, is that, because everyone is operating on a different version of time, drinking is socially acceptable at all hours. Granted, it may be a bit—nay, a lot—overpriced, but to be able to saddle up at a bar at 7am without getting any sideways glances is one of life’s finer pleasures.

So, I like a lot of things about flying, except the part that happens when flights are long. Here’s the timeline of what happens on any flight I take over two hours.

Hour One: “YAY! I can finally read this book I’ve had sitting on my coffee table for the last month. Let’s crank this out!

Hour Two: “This book is pretty good! Maybe I can finish it AND cut into a bit of my podcast backlog.”

Hour Three: [staring at back of seat in front of me] “We have to be almost there, right? These things always go shorter than they’re estimated to.”

Hour Four: [staring at back of seat in front of me] “Almost there. almost there. almost there. almost there. If you will it, it is no dream.”

Hour Five: [staring at back of seat in front of me] “Well, I guess I’m stuck here until this is over. Maybe I should go back to reading that book. Nah. I won’t be able to finish it at this point. Best to just wait this out.”

Repeat hour five until the end of the flight.

That’s basically how this game went as well.

Inning One: Sure, we may be down 1-0, but we got two runners in scoring position against Andrew Cashner—a pitcher who isn’t that good—so we could still win this game.

Inning Two: We gave up another run, but it was only on a double and two sac flies. Talk about backing your way into a run... The offense doesn’t look great. Cashier struck out two, but they were A.J. Ellis and Peter Freaking Bourjos. That’s surely not indicative of our future prospects against this beardless man.

Inning Three: Stranded runners on second and third again. Maybe that’s how this game is destined to go. We didn’t give up any runs, but it’s not looking good for the offense to make up this already meager deficit. We’ve already struck out five times!

Inning Four: Two more strikeouts! I should get this recap going so I can be done with game as soon as it’s done with me. What if they come back, though? Guess I shouldn’t start it.

Inning Five: Another strikeout and the 7219th caught stealing of the season (Aaron Altherr). We also gave up another run, the third run the Marlins scored while also recording an out. Would that the Marlins could just score five runs next inning and put me out of my misery.

Inning Six: Another freaking run on an out. This time, Ozuna scored from third on a double play. Outs are supposed to be good, not a consistent avenue for run-scoring. Struck out for the ninth time this game. Can we just forfeit and acknowledge the inevitable here?

Inning Seven: Two runs, both scoring on actual hits (doubles from Martin Prado and Christian Yelich). Now it’s 6-0. This game has to go nine innings, but what if it didn’t?

Inning Eight: Two more strikeouts, so at least the Phillies are as interested in getting this game to it’s conclusion as I am. Unlike me, they have agency in that. This is a good ally to have picked up.

Inning Nine: Two more strikeouts, including Ellis’ third. I never thought I’d be so grateful! Ellis struck out three times and walked once in four plate appearances, which is basically what I did in Little League once I realized the effort of swinging wasn’t worth it with my abilities. A walk was the only way to reach base, so I might as well sell out for that. A.J. Ellis: Selling out for the walk since 2016!

The Phillies, an American professional baseball team, will participate in a game of professional baseball tomorrow evening against the Washington Nationals, a better American professional baseball team.