We need to talk...

Dear Phillies,

We need to talk.

I think it’s best if we take a break from each other.

No, no, don’t start crying. It’s not you. It’s me. I just need to think about things for a little bit.

I’m not giving up on this relationship. Not at all. I think a break will be good for us. We can evaluate ourselves and see where we are. I know that for me personally, I just want to find myself again. I’ve put so much time and energy into this relationship that I just think that taking a step back away from it is the best move right now for both of us.

Just think about the things that you can do with this time as well. Look at all the ways you can evaluate yourself right now to! You can:

• decide if someone you thought was a cornerstone player is indeed that piece to build upon,
• practice those newfangled ways to help your catchers become better receivers behind the plate,
• figure out this pitching staff and how to make adjustments,
• determine the whether an acceleration of the timetable for promotions is in order.

There are just so many ways that we can both get better. I know that I can try and be better at not being so negative towards you. The animosity, I know, is causing hurt feelings.

What?

No.

No, there’s no one else.

I promise you, I will not be seeing anyone else during our break <neatly tucks away my MLB.TV login information>

I’m not saying this is a permanent breakup. You and I both know that we were meant for each other. It’s just....

It’s just that I can’t take this kind of suffering any longer. It’s taking a mental toll on me. When I see the kind of beatdowns that are occurring on a too frequent basis, it....it just makes me sad.

It’s making me sad when I see that on Baseball Reference, your sixth highest WAR producer is Daniel Nava. Nothing against Nava. I like Nava. But, c’mon. Daniel Nava.

It’s making me sad that our relationship has gotten to the point where I feel suffocated. Suffocated by the lack of offensive development. Suffocated by the lack of pitching development. Suffocated by the fact that every night, it feels inevitable that I’ll be watching another loss.

It’s making me sad that I just don’t feel any joy when I watch this team right now.

Because of all these reasons, I just need some space right now. I’ll be back. If nothing else, I can’t keep myself away. I can turn off all the notifications I want on my phone/iPad/tablet and I’ll still find a way to see how you’re doing. I’ll probably Facebook stalk you (everyone does it). I’m not deleting you from my contacts. I just need time.

I’ll always be there for you. Through thick and thin, you can always call on me and I’ll be there for you. Like I said, this isn’t a break up by any stretch. I’m just going through some things right now and I need to take a step back. I’ll be there again for you. I always have been, and I always will be.

See you in a few days,

Ethan

(ed. note: Ethan immediately checked the Phillies’ Twitter feed for information about Vincent Velasquez’s flexor strain)