Once more, with feeling: Red Sox 7, Phillies 3

Sigh.

The vast majority of tonight’s game felt like so many games the Phillies have played this season. And just like 42 other times, they lost. This time it was to the Red Sox, again, and they lost 7-3. But it could have been any other team and any other losing score. The Phillies have done this a lot this season.

This was not the start that Jeremy Hellickson needed. It’s definitely not the one he wanted, but what he needed was something more. He gave up five runs in the first two innings, and gave up a homer to Mookie Betts in the fourth just for good measure. He threw 93 pitches over five innings (he started the sixth, but didn’t get an out), and of those 93 pitches, only 51 were strikes. That’s... horrible.

The Phillies limited their scoring to the third inning. Freddy Galvis doubled, and a single from Howie Kendrick would bring him home. And then for the second night in a row, Aaron Altherr hit a big boy home run, a two run shot deep into the night.

Once Altherr got back to the dugout, he got to watch Tommy Joseph slide into second base right on his ass.

Photo by Hunter Martin/Getty Images

Altherr didn’t just hit home runs and watch Tommy Joseph slide on his ass. He also delivered an utterly fantastic play.

Swoon. But of course, that’s where the fun stopped. The Phillies ended up with six hits to Boston’s 13, and just three runs to Boston’s seven.

And while Hellickson wasn’t great, we need to talk about a different member of the Phillies who is having a Michael Saunders-esque season. And that’s Cameron Rupp. He shaved his beard, which made him look like a weird giant baby. And it doesn’t seem to be helping.

NOPE. Rupp went 0-for-4 and is currently hitting .206. With runners on first and second and two outs in the eighth inning, he struck out. I wish I had more colorful words to illustrate how bad he is but sometimes simplicity is best: he’s just really bad right now. He’s probably better than this, at least somewhat, but right now he’s just so, so super bad.

And speaking of bad...

Yeah. If the Phillies manage a win against Chris Sale tomorrow, I’ll eat my hat. If I had a hat. But I don’t have a hat, so I’ll just eat my dinner. Which I would do either way. So... what was I talking about again? Damn you, Phillies. You’ve broken my brain.