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Phillies 6, DBax 1

The Phillies won 6-1 on the west coast.

Philadelphia Phillies v Arizona Diamondbacks Photo by Jennifer Stewart/Getty Images

As TheGoodPhight’s resident westerner, I usually draw the short straw for the games in Guam and Tokyo and such like, and today’s game is no exception. Played in a place called “Phoenix” where it apparently was like 125 degrees yesterday, I assume this is in the middle of the Australian Outback or the Gobi Desert or something because who the fuck would live in a place where it ever gets 125 degrees.

Anyway, here’s what happened: the Phillies won.

Mark Leiter Jr earned his first big league win, pitching six scoreless innings, scattering three hits and a walk, and striking out five. FLARRDY GRUVBS tripled, doubled and scored a run; and Maikel Franco and Tommy Joseph hit their ninth and twelfth home runs of the season, respectively.

After Leiter was done, Controversy Neshek pitched around a single to strike out the side in the seventh; Joaquin Benoit allowed a run in the eighth but kept it clean; and Hector Neris pitched a perfect ninth.

Just like we drew it up.

With the win, the Phils improve to 24-48; while Mordor drops to 46-28. Game two in this series is later today on the surface of the sun, as the Phils send Ben Lively to the hill against some dude named Ray, who I assume everybody loves.

Meanwhile, the Alaska Goldpanners swept both ends of a double-header against the San Diego Waves, winning a 13-12 slugfest in walkoff fashion, thanks to Jake Hazard; and clobbering the Waves 9-2 in the second. Also an eight year old named Peyton threw out a pretty damn good first pitch strike.

And here’s what it looks like when a game ends at 11:30PM.

Thanks for humoring me, folks. Feel free to add any additional—actual—comments about the Phillies game. See ya “tomorrow.”