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America’s team: Phillies 7, Mets 1

The Mets lose as the Phillies win on America’s Americanest Sunday.

Philadelphia Phillies v New York Mets Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images

Citi Field was the land of the dumb and the home of the beaten on Sunday as the Phillies avoided an awful sweep by the terrible, stupid Mets with a for-some-reason dominant 7-1 victory.

The day’s action came down to symmetrically placed crooked numbers on the box score in the second, fifth, and eighth innings. The nuclear-hot Tommy Joseph led off the second with a single and Nick “Why Did I Show a Picture of Him to my Girlfriend” Williams followed with his second career big league hit. With two runners on, Maikel Franco clocked an offering from Mets starter Rafael Montero for a double, scoring both ToJo and WDISaPoHtmG. Somehow, the Phillies ended the inning via trying to sacrifice bunt twice.

The Mets’ T.J. Rivera needlessly homered in the fifth off Nick Pivetta, basically weeping as he rounded the bases, knowing full well it would be the only offense of the day his team could muster. Pivetta matched his season high for IP this season, going seven strong for the Phillies, a feat he’s only matched one other time on June 15 (He’s only gone six innings one other time, too, on June 21). Pivetta owed his scoreless performance in part to a catch by Aaron Altherr in the seventh that was backed by intensely loud circus music in everyone’s heads.

Pivetta allowed only the one hit and run to Rivera - I meant it when I said it was the “only offense of the day” - and handed things over to Joaquin Benoit in the eighth.

Meanwhile, the Phillies continued to score. Williams knocked another single and was nullified by Maikel Franco grounding into a double play - only for replay to show that the Mets were in fact liars about it being a DP. Franco was ruled safe at first, allowing singles by Andrew Knapp, Brock Stassi, and Daniel Nava to make it a 7-1 contest and give the game what would be its final score after Benoit and Hector Neris combined to allow a single hit and two strikeouts in the eighth and ninth.

Go out an relish in both America and the Phillies’ youth on this steaming hot Independence Day weekend.