THEY HURT RHYS: Marlins 10, Phillies 9

Ladies and gentlemen, Phillies fans everywhere now have a new enemy. And it’s not the entire Marlins team, even though the Phillies lost 10-9. Who is this new enemy?

HIS NAME IS BRIAN ELLINGTON.

Brian Ellington hit our own precious Rhys Hoskins on the hand in the seventh inning, the sixth batter he’s hit in just over 30 innings. He came out as part of a double switch after, and as of now we don’t know if his hand is even still attached. (I kid. His hand is still attached and Hoskins is day-to-day.)

What’s insane is that’s not even the big story of the night. Rhys Hoskins going three-for-three, hitting his 12th home run, and being a triple short of the cycle wasn’t the story, either. By the way, that 12th home run was hit into the dinger machine, which was AMAZING.

Pedro Florimon’s ankle pretty much came out of his leg while he was running in the second inning. Gruesome and horrible, but not the highlight story of the night.

Aaron Nola had a tough night. He allowed two homers in the first inning, including one to Giancarlo Stanton that went OVER THE DINGER MACHINE.

GIANCARLO MY BODY IS READY. Uh, I mean, something else, something else that is not that thing I just said, I’m normal and fine and not having fantasies about The Mighty Giancarlo Stanton and his Mighty Arms of Muscley Softness. NOPE SHUT UP MOVING ON.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Aaron Nola. He gave up three runs in the first, two in the fourth, and one more in the fifth. Six total over five innings, and it was clear he was off his game all night. He gave up 10 of the Marlins’ 17 hits off the Phillies. Ricardo Pinto, who pitched for just 1.1 innings, gave up five hits all on his own, and a whopping four runs. It was a bloodbath. But again: not the big story of the evening!

The Phillies were out of it early, OR SO IT SEEMED. They didn’t score at all until the fourth inning, but then they got going. Hoskins hit his homer, a two-runner, in the fourth, and Tommy “I’m nearly useless” Joseph hit a two-run dinger of his own in the fifth. But by the time the Phillies got to the eighth inning, they were down 10-4, and all seemed lost.

But that’s when things actually, finally started getting interesting. With two outs in the eighth inning, Cameron Rupp, Andres Blanco, and Cesar Hernandez laced three straight singles and scored another run. It was 10-5. So, progress. Then, Freddy Galvis walked, and the bases were loaded for big, tall Nick Williams. He hit a roller to right field that went all the way to the wall and cleared the bases, and slid into third for a triple. That’s three more runs, and at 10-8 it was looking like a ballgame! Daniel Nava hit a single (that’s four singles and a triple in this inning) and the score was 10-9. The Phillies were run one away from tying and completing an incredible comeback.

The run wouldn’t come, though. The Phillies sailed through the top of the ninth with barely a swing. And Cameron Rupp was the worst. Rupp, up with one out and a runner on first, took a fastball that was pretty much in the middle of the damn strike zone and just stared at it like it was an alien. He didn’t swing, he didn’t attempt to swing, he just stared at an incredibly hittable pitch as it sailed into the glove of the catcher. “Get him out of my sight” was the only response I could muster.