Interminable: Braves 7, Phillies 3

Well, that could have gone better.

The Phillies lost 7-3 to the Braves, in yet another game that was incredibly boring and felt like it lasted forever. I don’t know what it is about these two teams that makes every game feels like this, but I’m going to need it to stop right now. The Phillies still have about a million of these Braves games left, and if it keeps going on like this, I can’t be held responsible for my actions.

Vince Velasquez didn’t look as good as he did in his last start, but he wasn’t a mess on the mound, either. Six innings, seven hits, three runs, one walk and seven strikeouts. I’d take that from Vinny any day. It’s not his fault the Phillies couldn’t generate enough offense to support him.

And it’s also not his fault that the bullpen couldn’t hold it together. Since the Phillies aren’t still playing a never-ending extra-innings game, you’ve probably guessed the bullpen gave up a few more runs. Edubray Ramos came in first and he gave up a run in 1.1 innings, and then Hoby Milner, who can’t seem to get out of Atlanta unscathed, gave up three in the eighth. That moved the game from the “winnable” category to the “yeah, probably not” category pretty quickly.

As far as offense, a bunch of Braves players had two hits: Dansby Swanson, Nick Markakis, Ender Inciarte, and Ryan Flaherty. Both Swanson and Flaherty (?!?) hit home runs.

Oh wait, you probably want to hear about the Phillies. It’s hard to tell you much, unless grounding into a double play can be considered offense. If it can, Maikel Franco had the best night, since he did it twice. The Phillies did it three times overall. Andrew Knapp had two hits, but the Phillies could only score one run in three different innings. They couldn’t figure out Brandon McCarthy, which is just how it goes sometimes. Bleh.

And can I just say: what bug flew up Ryan Flaherty’s ass when the Phillies released him that is making him perform like this right now? He’s hitting .365 overall and had four RBI in this game alone. It makes no sense. The guy is AAAA filler! This is insane! I mean, if this is his big breakout moment for his career, then good for him. But come on, can we come back to Earth a little? For a minute? Or at least for when the Phillies and Braves play next, I’m assuming next week and then the week after and then every week until we DIE, because we are in some kind of hell world where the Phillies only play the Braves and everyone on both sides stops being fans because the game are so terrible that we all would rather get a root canal without novocain than watch another MINUTE OF THESE GAMES, MY GOD.

Ahem.

The Phillies head to Pittsburgh for a four-game set, and I’m sure everything will go great. The Phillies haven’t had any historical trouble beating the Pirates. It’ll all be fine. Definitely.