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Game Thread 5/15: Phillies at Orioles

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You definitely watch Phillies games to see the bench guys you barely remember.

MLB: New York Mets at Philadelphia Phillies Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

Here we go! First game of the week! I’m totally ready! Let’s do this! I’m pumped! Let’s see the lineup!

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS.

WHAT.

THE.

HELL.

IS.

THIS.

The Phillies are playing a two-game series in Baltimore, where they can use the DH. For the first time, they can get everyone they want into a game without putting anyone on the bench. That fact forces me to ask: what in the blue fancy hell are Jesmuel Valentin and Pedro Florimon doing here?!

Sure, I can hear you saying “they need playing time, Liz.” Or “they can’t ride the bench forever, Liz.” If you’re going to respond to this bonkers lineup in such an even-handed and sane way, you can just get out right now. GET OUT.

I’m kidding, don’t leave. Who knows, this lineup could, uh, do something. It could totally happen. Definitely probably maybe possibly might happen in some universe somewhere at some point in time. Right? Right.

Discuss the game in the comments below.