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So messy: Cardinals 12, Phillies 4

This game was pretty putrid, folks.

Philadelphia Phillies v St Louis Cardinals Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images

This game was stupid. The Phillies lost to the Cardinals 12-4, and it was stupid.

It all came down to one moment. One small thing that could have sent it in a different direction. In the third inning, Jake Arrieta was one pitch from getting out of the inning after giving up just one home run. He delivered a pitch to Jose Martinez that looked like it was square in the strike zone. And the home plate umpire, some bing bong named David Rackley, called it a ball. That at-bat ended with Martinez singling, and it snowballed from there. The inning ended with the Phillies down 4-0.

After that terrible third inning, the Phillies got mop-up man Drew Hutchison up in the bullpen, and he started the fourth. It’s hard to blame Gabe Kapler or pitching coach Rick Kranitz. Nothing that happened in the third inning was his fault, really. It should have ended with that pitch to Martinez, but it didn’t. At one point, Scott Kingery was charged with an error for throwing the ball past Carlos Santana and into the Cardinals dugout.

In the fourth inning, Carlos Santana hit what looked like a home run. It was loud, it went far, it was a home run. But it was raining, which wasn’t happening during most of the one hour and 35 minute rain delay. And so the ball just barely stayed in the yard, and was caught by Dexter Fowler.

The Phillies finally got on the board in the fifth, which is when Odubel Herrera extended his on-base streak to 44 games and scored both runs in the inning.

When the score climbed to 9-2 in favor of the Cardinals, I decided I needed to split my attention, so I watched Ali Wong’s new stand-up special “Hard Knock Wife.” It’s amazing, and much better than this Phillies game, which JUST. WOULDN’T. END.

Pedro Florimon pitched the bottom of the eighth inning. He hit a home run in the top of the ninth. I have nothing to say about this.

It finally, finally, finally ended past 1am. I was barely conscious.

This game cost the Phillies first place. Again.

AGAIN. COME ON, PHILLIES.