It’s the regular season finale! It’s Fan Appreciation Day! Some teams appreciate their fans by putting a team on the field that actually wants to play, but whatever! I guess a hat or whatever will suffice! No, that’s not entirely fair—this team is tired, broken, fatigued, and burned out. But they’ve also looked like they’ve had one foot out the door for about a month and a half, so let us join them in the putting of both feet out the door and move on with out lives from a meltdown so prolonged and eternal, the Phillies will probably keep losing in the off-season somehow.
Who is pitching? Ranger Suarez? Give ‘um hell, Suarez. The other team, I mean. We’ve been in hell for weeks.