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New Year’s resolutions for the Phillies in 2019

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A select few vow to make some changes (believe me....I asked)

Miami Marlins v Philadelphia Phillies Photo by Hunter Martin/Getty Images

All of the Christmas decorations have been put away for another year. The tree has been put outside to provide respite from the coming winter winds for local birds. The gifts that were bestowed on us by loved ones are in their new location within our house, waiting for our next usage. With the dawning of a new year, we enter that wonderful time when ideas pop into our heads as to how we are going to better ourselves.

“I’m going to lose some weight by going to the gym more!”

“I’m going to read more!”

“I’m going to panic less about my local sports teams!”

Yes, New Year’s resolutions are that time honored tradition that many people take part in, gingerly coaxing our psyche into thinking that this is finally the year we will be able to improve our lot in life simply by doing a menial task that helps us become a better person. Luckily for you, we have stumbled the resolutions that some of the Phillies’ players have made for themselves. We present them here to you, unedited, to help you hold them accountable as we embark on a very important season in the rebuilding of the team brand.

Aaron Nola - show more of that awesome personality to the general public

“I know that when some people see me, they only see the pitcher, stoic, cold-blooded, on the mound, preparing to carve up batters with an array of pitches that dart this way and that. But they don’t know me, the true me. I’m awesome with kids.

I can answer questions that even you, the fan, can ask me!

See? I can be just another guy! This year, I promise to let the people see the real Aaron Nola, the one they can all fall in love with!”

Rhys Hoskins - be that Scott Hatteberg clone, a ball pickin’ machine at first base

“Well, my dreams came true. I talked about how I wanted to go back to first base, knowing full well that Carlos Santana was there and how he probably made our lineup better. Little did I know that the team would take care of me. I mean, I wasn’t all that bad in left field. I did turn a triple play out there once.

Anyway, now that I have the position all to myself, I vow to become an above average defensive first baseman. I mean, it can’t be that hard right?”

Odubel Herrera - be fun again!

“Listen, I have the greatest Instagram on this team. This is not in doubt. But last year, I think I got on some people’s nerves. I can’t really tell, but I think that some people, especially fans, just got a little tired of me. I don’t know why, but it’s just how I feel. I mean, I’ve always been a fun guy,

but maybe it’s the fact that I had kind of a down season. The lack of fun affected my performance. Well, this year, I can promise you....I will be more fun. Of course, I know that means better production in the field, which I know is coming. I will be better. The team around me has improved and I know that if I want to remain a part of it, I need to be better. Then, once I am performing as I know I can, I can be myself again. And you know what that means? That’s right, more of this:

Scott Kingery - n/a

<Scott Kingery’s resolutions could not be found since he has not had time to write any down yet. He has been hitting baseballs non-stop for two months now.>

Jorge Alfaro - what strikeout rate?

“Hello. Can I interest you in some highlights? Let’s start with this one. This is my introduction to the world as a catching prospect on the rise.

My first big league home run has a speed that was illegal in the entire United States highway system.

Have you forgotten how strong I am? Well here is a little reminder!

Still not convinced? How about some defensive gems?

I know, I know, I’m pretty good but I will be an All-star one d-

What’s that?

A strikeout rate that’s too high?

Well, I know, but......did you see those clips up there?

Fine, I’ll take some more pitches. I’ll improve my pitch recognition. Geez.”

<mumbles to self> “what do these people want from me?”

Jean Segura/Andrew McCutchen - be ourselves

<in unison> “WE ARE NOT HERE TO BABYSIT ODUBEL.”