Cole Hamels is dead to us now

It turns out, FanSince09 was right all along: Cole Hamels is a bum.

There had been speculation that the Phillies and their former #3 starter ace were interested in a reunion. It had the makings of a nice story: The prodigal son returns to lead the team back to postseason glory. Instead, Hamels chose to drive a dagger through the hearts of his former fans, signing an $18 million deal to pitch for the division rival Atlanta Braves.

We really should have seen this coming. Hamels gave of plenty of signs that even though he pitched for the Phillies, he was most definitely not from here. He didn’t show the type of toughness and grittiness which Philadelphia fans adore. Instead, he carried himself with an air of California cool.

Even worse, he quit on the team not once, but twice. The first time came during the 2009 World Series. Instead of being focused on beating the Yankees, he was hoping the series would just end. And he even had the nerve to joke about it years later! Oh, that’s so funny, Cole! We all think it’s hilarious that your poor pitching helped the Phillies lose the World Series!

Years later, when there was speculation that he might be traded, he could have shown his dedication to the team and the city by exercising his no-trade clause. Instead, he took the easy way out and accepted a trade to a contending team. That’s not how a true Philadelphia athlete acts! Would legends like Brian Dawkins, Charles Barkley, or Nick Foles ever do something like that?

The good news for the Phillies is that their division rival just shelled out a lot of money for a pitcher who projects to be a decent fourth starter in 2020. And if the Braves do somehow make it back to the playoffs, Hamels won’t have to worry too much about feeling the Atlanta fans’ wrath if he pulls another choke job like 2009. After all, when you’ve seen your team blow as many playoff series as Braves fans have, it’s tough to get too upset about yet another failure.