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From the horse’s mouth: The dream is over

Damn you, Jim Edmonds!

MLB: Milwaukee Brewers at Philadelphia Phillies
Curt Schilling couldn’t get the job done
Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

In this week’s ramblings, I provide an update on the Dream Bracket competition, and present a theory as to why the Phanatic had a changed look this Spring.

Random thought about the Phillies

After taking care of the 25-and-under stars in their first round matchup, the Phillies were unable to advance any further in the MLB Dream Bracket tournament. They fell to the Cardinals in the second round, four games to two. The Phillies’ pitching staff let them down, as they allowed an average of six runs per game to the (admittedly powerful) Cardinals lineup.

In the ninth inning of game six, it appeared as if the Phillies were poised to force a game seven (Which is something the real life Phillies have never actually done), but it was not to be. Curt Schilling was brought in to protect a one-run lead, but he served up a series-clinching home run to Jim Edmonds. (No report on whether or not virtual Mitch Williams was sitting in the dugout with a towel over his head while this went on.)

At first, I was a little annoyed (or as annoyed as one can possibly be about the results of a fictional contest) that the killing blow was dealt by Edmonds, and not one of the Cardinals’ Hall of Famers. Then I looked up Edmonds’ stats and realized he had a much better career than I remembered. He had two top-five MVP finishes, which is not something I would have ever guessed.

Milwaukee Brewers v St. Louis Cardinals
Jim Edmonds: Better than you probably remember
Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images

If you still care about who wins this tournament, they’ve reached the final four, with the Yankees, Red Sox, Dodgers, and Reds still alive. It seems inevitable that the Yankees will ultimately prevail, but upsets do happen. After all, that’s why they play (simulate?) the games.

Random thought that is definitely not about the Phillies

How’s everyone’s toilet paper supply holding up? I know that right after the initial wave of hoarding, it was tough to find much of the stuff in stores, but I’ve heard reports that the shelves were slowly filling back up. That should be welcome news to those people who have been rationing their squares.

Thanks to the magic of Amazon subscribe-and-save, I had a sizable stockpile before anyone even knew what a coronavirus was. But as the weeks of social distancing turned into months, even I was starting to get a little worried about how long I could go without a replenishment.

Daily Life In Krakow Under Coronavirus Pandemic Photo by Artur Widak/NurPhoto via Getty Images

One month from now, we’ll probably all have lots of TP on hand, and we’ll look back and laugh at how worried we were. Of course, by that point, we’ll probably be out of meat, and possibly many other things, so it may not seem quite as amusing. But at least our butts will all be clean!

Random Phillies thing I found on YouTube

Here’s the Phillie Phanatic being put on a diet by then-manager Gabe Kapler:

Hmmm...I woner if this is the reason why the Phanatic’s appearance has “evolved” lately. It wouldn’t shock me if following health advice from Kapler could leave someone looking like this:

MLB: Spring Training-Baltimore Orioles at Philadelphia Phillies David Dermer-USA TODAY Sports

Remember when our thoughts were occupied by the team making minor changes to the team’s mascot? We weren’t worried about pandemics, or injecting ourselves with bleach, or our favorite football team inexplicably selecting a quarterback in the second round of the draft. I miss those days.

Featured Phillies baseball card

Who could ever forget Danny Tartabull’s legendary three-game stint with the Phillies? The people at Score made sure that it wouldn’t be forgotten with a card that’s much better looking than Tartabull’s Phillies career deserves.

Parting thought

If our pipeline of meat runs out, we might all be trying out some alternative diets soon. I don’t know if I’m ready to take Gabe Kapler’s advice on what to eat, but desperate times call for desperate measures.