This morning, the Philadelphia Inquirer put out an article saying that the Phillies should consider moving Gold Glove catcher J.T. Realmuto to the outfield.
It’s a pretty genius idea when you think about it. The Phillies are in need of guy to play left field. J.T. Realmuto is a guy.
There is one problem, however. If the team moves Realmuto to left field, who will be their new backstop? Left field is a much more important defensive position than catcher (how many times have you seen a catcher rob a home run, huh?) but nevertheless, the Phillies do need somebody to stand behind the dish. And I know just the guy for the job.
Joe Girardi moves to catcher
We know the Phillies manager loves experienced veterans, and who has more experience than Girardi himself? The man has logged 1247 major league games behind the dish, and his three World Series titles make him the most decorated catcher on the roster. But this creates a whole new issue, because with Joe Girardi catching, who will be the Phillies manager?
Bryce Harper becomes manager
Bryce Harper was incredible in 2021, and he deserves a promotion. He’s upper management material! The only problem is, if Bryce Harper is the manager, that leaves nobody in right field. (We’ll get to who’s on first later.)
Didi Gregorius moves to right field
Poor Didi Gregorius suffered from pseudogout in 2021, which is often referred to as “the shortstop’s curse.” Luckily for Didi, studies show that right field is the best position for players with pseudogout. After all, many legendary right fielders have had pseudogout, from Richie “Romping Stomping” Rogers of the Montreal Brown Shoes to Ichiro Suzuki (although it turned out Ichiro’s case was actually pseudo pseudogout, meaning that I made it up).
Aaron Nola moves to shortstop
I know what you’re thinking: how are we going to trade Aaron Nola for Joey Gallo if he’s our starting shortstop? But hear me out.
Is Aaron Nola a good hitter? Not really. Is he a good defender? Most definitely not. But watching him pitch made me angry last season and so I am making completely irrational suggestions. When you think of it from that perspective, Aaron Nola at shortstop actually makes a lot of sense.
J.T. Realmuto moves out of left field and into the rotation
Okay, so with Aaron Nola moving out of the rotation, the Phillies will need a new starting pitcher. We all know that Realmuto has an incredible arm and can throw from home plate to second base at lighting speed with pinpoint accuracy. Just imagine how dominant he could be if he only had to throw half that distance. Early scouting reports say Realmuto could be a similar pitcher to Max Scherzer or David Hale!
Rhys Hoskins moves to left field
Who on the Phillies roster has the most experience playing left field at the major league level? Why Rhys Hoskins of course!
Jayme Hoskins covers first base
One of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage is being there to help and support your spouse as needed. These two are absolutely #relationshipgoals.
Realmuto moves to center field
Unfortunately, the Phillies will soon remember that Rhys Hoskins isn’t exactly the best defender in left field. To make up for that, they’ll need a strong defensive center fielder to make up ground, and who better than proven major league outfielder J.T. Realmuto?
Aaron Nola moves back to the rotation and the Phillies say screw it and play without a shortstop
With Realmuto leaving the rotation, Nola regains his spot. The Phillies will decide not to replace Nola at shortstop, because honestly, having no shortstop at all might actually work out better than any of the other options.
Jimmy Rollins, while broadcasting a game, realizes the Phillies are playing without a shortstop and is about to volunteer to play, but he changes his mind because he knows that if he does Mike Schmidt will also want to play
At 42 years old, Jimmy Rollins might have something left in the tank, but he knows that the Phillies are better off without 72-year-old Michael Schmidt on the field.
Scott Kingery is jealous that everyone else is changing positions now too, so he invents a new position called “Glump Field” and says that’s his position now
As the only glump fielder in baseball, he goes on to win the Gold Glove and Silver Slugger awards unanimously.
The Phillies request permission from the league office to change the dimensions of Citizens Bank park so that there are only two bases
Their request is denied.
Alec Bohm, who spent all offseason working on his defense, actually has a really solid year at third base but nobody notices
A writer for the Philadelphia Inquirer writes an op-ed arguing that Alec Bohm should move to glump field next season.
Somehow, the Phillies still finish with a .500 record
Some things never change.
Here’s a final diagram showing what the Phillies’ defensive alignment would look like under my proposal:
It may not be perfect, but this is the Phillies we’re talking about! Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.