On Thursday night, Mike Schmidt announced on MLB Network that Bryce Harper was the 2021 National League MVP. It was an incredible moment for Phillies fans, many of whom took to the internet to share their excitement. But sadly, there’s no baseball game we can go to tonight to express our joy. Harper won’t be honored with his trophy for several months.
Without a clear way to celebrate, Bryce Harper’s MVP victory feels a little anticlimactic. So to help remedy that, here are a handful of ways you can celebrate.
Have a parade!
As the Atlanta Braves proved, a parade doesn’t have to be a grand affair. You can just drive really fast down the street and call it a parade.
Fastest parade of all time…. @Braves #BattleAtl pic.twitter.com/RqhnXBZUjj— Teeee (@teeeehall) November 5, 2021
Buy this $999 baseball covered in 100% Swarovski Crystals
This jewel-encrusted baseball is a totally real thing and for the low, low price of $999.99 it can be all yours! That might seem like a lot of money, but it’s actually less than Bryce Harper earned per minute this season. Plus, it has so many uses it’ll pay for itself in no time. This Swarovski baseball makes for a gorgeous centerpiece, a perfect paperweight, or even a glamorous doorstop. Just don’t let your dog get ahold of it!
Send your condolences to a Braves fan
Now this one’s fun. Find a Braves fan on the internet and send them a message that looks something like this:
Hey @choptilyoudrop01062021, I’m really sorry to hear that Austin Riley didn’t receive a single first-place vote for MVP. I guess you still have that World Series to be happy about or whatever, but it probably doesn’t mean that much to you since the Braves just got lucky and didn’t really deserve to win. Send my love to Freddie Freeman... oh wait, right, he’s a free agent now... awkward...
They’ll probably respond with a really thoughtful message congratulating Bryce Harper on his victory, and you’ll have made a new friend for life!
Thank your personal chef
.@bryceharper3 choked up during his NL MVP acceptance speech, then shouted out his chef for never letting him go to bed hungry pic.twitter.com/Z0XpBeUTn4— MLB (@MLB) November 19, 2021
Bryce Harper’s MVP acceptance speech served as an important reminder for us all: don’t take your personal chef for granted. Bryce thanked his chef Dan for never letting him go to bed hungry, and if you haven’t thanked your chef yet today, maybe take a moment to do so.
Send a letter to the biggest nerd you know and tell them that Bryce Harper won the MVP even though he didn’t lead the league in WAR
The battle between analytics and truth is finally over, and truth won. Try sending a letter to John Fangraphs or William Baseballreference or even Sarah Jessica Statcast to let them know that their life’s work is officially meaningless.
Take a trip to Vegas
In celebration of Bryce Harper’s big day, how about taking a pilgrimage to the place where his legendary baseball career began? Unfortunately, there isn’t much to do in Vegas, but at least you can brag to your friends that you’ve been to Bryce Harper’s hometown.
Go over the luxury tax
Admittedly, this isn’t something that everyone can do. I’d like to go over the luxury tax myself, but unfortunately I don’t own a major league baseball team. But if you do own a major league baseball team...
Got any more ideas for how to celebrate? Drop your suggestions in the comments below!