One Hit Wonders: Pirates 7, Phillies 0

Despite coming off a thrilling walk off win over the Nationals and facing off against the second-worst team in the National League, the Phillies opened up a three-game series in Pittsburgh by getting crushed by the Pirates, 7-0.

Rather than fully diving into the disaster that was this game, here’s one major question that needs to be asked: Is 2021 the worst version of Vince Velasquez we’ve ever seen? In honor of his five earned runs in a measly two innings, here are some fun SAT-quality words to describe his season so far, especially his performance in this game:

• Abhorrent
• Abominable
• Ghastly
• Detestable
• Loathsome
• Odious
• Repugnant

Although, the reality is that this loss can’t be entirely blamed on Velasquez. An early five-run deficit is difficult to come back from, but for a team that just came back from being down by seven runs, it’s clearly not impossible. The offense in this game, however, never seemed to get started. Alec Bohm had the Phillies’ only hit, a single that led off the second inning. Though they did manage to work six walks, only one runner ever made it past second base.

The only positive from the game for the Phillies, which probably doesn’t even count as a positive for the Phillies, is that long-time Pirates icon Andrew McCutchen received a standing ovation in his first at-bat of the game. It was a kind gesture from a fan base that still (rightfully) idolizes Cutch.